Shokoli Tomari Ichchha

Posted by Suman on May 22, 2021

They say you are not a real rider until you crash.


I am surprised I had to wait a whole month

to experience my first crash.

Because it is not a single day

when I ride in a manner trying to not crash.


Very few will understand what is stated above.

Fewer, will appreciate what is stated below.


The crash,

has to be my most enlightening experience to date.

The crash,

is the motivation behind the title of this post.


No, the crash was not dramatic at all.

Like the ones, you see on Youtube.

It was actually...

beautiful.


As we collided with the border of a highway exit,

I was launched onto one side of the road,

as the bike continued to ride itself.

It rode for a good 100 meters before

being gently put down by gravity

onto the other side of the road.

Onto a bed of cushy overgrown grass.


Two humans, who met me right after

and helped me get the 200 kg machine back on the road,

said they have never seen anything like it.


And by that

they meant an exotic bike riding itself

into the bushes.

(They did not catch the impact,

only what followed.)


And I could not "agree"

more with either.

Because "I" was never on the bike.

Because "I" have never ridden it.

Because "I" will never ride it.


...


Growing up, Sundays were a special day.

Food was the first thing that was different.

It was... more exotic.

More spices. More oil. More of everything.

It was the day devoted to the Goddess Kali.


Other than the many mandatoriness that my mother

stuck to,

She would sing a song religiously on that day.


The first verse of which,

has always been there somewhere in me.

Some of the recent events, including the crash,

have perhaps, permanently etched it.


It goes like this...


Shokoli Tomari Iccha

Iccha-Moyi Tara Tumi

Tomar Kormo Tumi Koro Maa

Loke Bole Kori Ami


It translates to...


Everything is your will mother,

Star of will you are,

You do your work mother,

people call it my doing.


I remember it vividly.

As I saw the obstacle coming, I did not ease off the throttle.

Even the Mind, which I have trained to not interfere,

jumped in - "Brake! Release the throttle! Steer away!"

But as always, it did not have any chance.

It did not have any say.

The Decision was made.

The "crash"...

...had to happen.


Because right before the crash, I realized ...

this is why I took the bike out this morning.

Because right before I surrendered to inertia and stopped resisting...

I felt free.

Because right after the crash,

with the bruises and "mental indecision", I felt...

...calm. I felt alive.


And more than anything,

after merely two days...,

after NO "physiotherapy", "medication", or "help",

I am not only 99% "recovered"

but made "progress" worth years if not decades.


Both the Body and the Mind ...

have opened up even more.

I am a better rider, a better weightlifter,

and a more complete human being.


The world thinks it knows.

But it really has it backwards.

Even the most prized and esteemed rider crashes and immediately

goes back to "his team".

"His team" has recorded everything to the tiniest detail

for him to "learn and understand" ...

1. How to not crash again.

2. How to correct his leaning technique.

3. How to "look where he is going".

But does he know?

He missed it all!


How else do I put it, dear friend?

The domain of The Truth,

The Void,

The life after one has Jumped,

is Wild.

It is Bizarre. Non-sensical. Random. And yet, Surreal. Magical.

It is one where there are really no borders.

No boundaries. No limits.


Because right before the crash, I knew ...

this is why I took the bike out this morning.

Because right when I surrendered to inertia and

allowed it to happen ...

I felt free.

Because right after the crash,

even with the pain, bruises and

the "mental indecision", I breathed deeply into my pain,

and did what needed to be done...

With my left rear almost showing,

with blatant, ugly, bloody bruises,

I rode the bike back to the dealer to get the repairs going.

I ordered a new suit.

I ordered a new pair of boots.